The Temptation
by QuixoticQuest
Summary: What if the Emperor had used cookies to tempt Luke to the Dark Side- what would Luke's reaction be? Would he accept? M rating to be safe about language and fudge content.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I thought I'd take a break from "Namesake" and write something different. Enjoy!

When Vader came to get him, Luke wasn't sure what to expect. He had decided to leave Endor and face his father but he was sure he could break his father from the Dark Side, he had to.

Now he stood before the Emperor, who waved his hand and dropped the handcuffs from Luke's wrists. He felt there was no need since they were made of licorice. But he was glad they weren't Twizzlers since he was highly allergic to them.

"Welcome young Skywalker." The Emperor drawled. Luke faced the Emperor fearlessly. "You are here because you cannot deny the benefits of the dark side."

"What benefits?" Luke retorted.

"We have better flood insurance." Vader breathed through his mask.

"Um… you guys live in space, you do realize that, right?" Luke was finding this hard to believe. The Emperor was trying to tempt him with flood insurance. He didn't need it either since his home was also in space or on Tatooine, where it never rained. They've got nothing on me, Luke thought.

Darth Vader nodded to the Emperor who pressed a button on his chair. A red robed Imperial Protector came down the small path to the Emperor with a plate covered in tinfoil.

"Young Skywalker, you will fall like your father did. Because we have something the light side does not." The Emperor smiled as he took the plate from the Protector, "Thank you, JavaCoffeedoesnotmakemehyperbutIdonotknowwhentostoptalking."

"You'rewelcomemylordthemasterofalltheuniversemasterofallthatheseesanddestroysbakesandeatswithoutarealappetite-"

"All right, all right," The Emperor waved the Protector away. Darth Vader snickered and then straightened when the Emperor began to speak again. "Yes, as I was saying, you are no match for the power of-" He pulled the tinfoil off the plate to reveal a plate of aroma filled chocolate cookies fresh from the oven-

A/N- I want cookies right now.

-And baked to perfection, their gooey chocolate chips, and soft warm texture filled Luke's nostrils.

Obi-Wan's Voice echoed in Luke's head, "Luke, do not be tempted by the cookies, they're only chocolate chip."

"What? You want oatmeal raison?" The Emperor asked, "I have that too."

Luke's mouth began to salivate at the smell of the cookies. They were so warm and delicious smelling, the sweetness, the breading, the buttery creation made to perfection-

"Gah!!! Make it stop!!" Luke held his head and dropped to his knees. The Emperor cackled and held out a cookie. Vader reached for it and the Emperor slapped his hand.

"Vader, keep your hands off. You'll only get chocolate on your mask."

I'll steal one later, Vader thought to himself or maybe I can just throw the Emperor over the ledge. Then the cookies will be mine.

"Now I can see why the cookie monster had such a possessive greedy attitude whenever anyone came near his cookies." Luke observed.

"Well these cookies and all the cookies in the galaxy will be yours if you join us."

"Never!"

"Your sister was a baker like your father." Emperor Palpatine said with a smirk.

"What? You're lying!!"

"NoIamyourbaker!" Java yelled from her post at the door. The Emperor glared at her and she felt silent.

"Well, do you want the cookies or not?"

Vader felt himself growing angrier. Those cookies should have been mine, instead he wants to offer them to my son because he's better with the force. How could he betray me, how could he give the cookies I asked Java to make me this morning to Luke, he's not even old enough to have a cookie! He doesn't know what the cookies can do to him. They're too much for him to handle. I can't go against my Emperor though.

But what if Java never makes cookies for me again.

"I won't eat your cookies…" Luke stared at the plate without looking away.

"Won't you?" The Emperor said.

"Got Milk?" Luke asked.

"Ah, no."

"Then how can you call yourself a member of the cookie side of the force?" Luke smirked, he had the Emperor right where he wanted him.

"We have chocolate milk." Emperor Palpatine said and Luke smacked his forehead.

"TRUMP CARD!!" Vader coughed. Again he fell silent when the Emperor glared at him.

"So, will you join the cookie side of the force or be hungry for rest of your pathetic life?" The Emperor asked. God, The Emperor thought, I could use a Wii during these temptations. I've always wanted to play Brawl.

"No." Luke said, standing up tall. "Never."

"Have it your way." The Emperor snapped his fingers and Vader held out a burger.

"You'll be stuck with the junk of the light side of the force, are you sure you want this," he pointed to the Burger. "And not these cookies?"

"It's not fast food, it's Wendy's!" Luke blushed, "She came over to my house this afternoon."

"Oh, please boy, stop acting like a teenager." The Emperor grumbled. "Here, just try one and you'll be convinced."

"I'd rather kiss a wookie."

Vader raised a hand, his helmet was up and he was eating the burger. Through a mouthful he said, "I can arrange that."

"Just eat the damn cookie you stinking-Star-Destroyer-bantha-dung-eating-Utopian-Yoda-boating-on-a-river-in-Kansas-where-Dorothy-ditched-Toto-the-script-was-rewritten-because-Toto-threatened-to-sue-the-screenwriter-what-in-the-name-of-Hoth-is-a-Narwol-oh-fuck-it-you-jawa-kicking-son-of-a-bitch!!! Just eat the Bith Fucking cookie!!"

"That was a mouthful." Vader said, pulling his mask down.

Luke took a bite and was immediately turned to the cookie side of the force. Meanwhile Vader, in his greed threw the Emperor over the side of the platform (Like in the movie-except this time for the sake of cookies and not his son) and took the plate of cookies which Luke never got and never forgave Vader for.

Now Luke searches the galaxy for cookies, killing anyone who has them so he can steal them. The Dark Lord of the Cookie Sith shall return!

A/N: Yup, this was goofy and probably not that funny but if anyone likes it, let me know and I'll write the one for Luke the Cookie Hunter at some point.

**A/N- I am going to mark this story as completed and start the sequel as another story. Just check under my listed stories for it. I'm not sure what the title will be yet, so keep checking periodically. I'm trading off between my comedy stories and my NJO stuff, so it might be inconsistent. Thanks for reading! **


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: After writing my "Temptation" Story, I thought it might be funny to write a kind of Darth Vader- ode to cookies. Please Enjoy!

When I first looked at you, you seemed like all other cookies, just sweet and tempting. I didn't notice that you had that special ingredient. You had buttery greatness and even my super sexy mask couldn't match how perfectly round you were (even if being a round cookie makes you square). It was a match made in the Sith Bakery. Count Dooku laughed at me because he said Ginger Snaps were had a bigger kick. But I wanted chocolate and you had just that.

I ate half of you the day I brought you home. You were a dark cookie dipped in chocolate milk, perfect for a sith lord. You didn't mind that my face had a mask, because you couldn't see anything. You were a cookie, you wouldn't judge me.

I dumped Padme for you! How could you be finished by Luke! My son, the son who is searching the galaxy for all the cookies! Why???? You were the last of Java's cookies!!!

A/N- See my story "Temptation" for reference.

You could make even the greatest of all JedI fall on their knees begging to have just a taste of your Imperial greatness, so why do you go with the regular milk??? Is skim just not that good for you? Is it because I'm bald?

My own daughter told me "Lord Vader, only you can be so bald."

A/N- See movie for actual line from the script.

I get it, you don't think I can handle the power of the darkest chocolate chips. I can take a hit. Even though I loved you at the first bite, you were destined to be taken and baked to a lighter perfection.

Farewell my dear cookie!! We had such good memories of laughing a the Padawans as they ate their fudge instead of eating cookies. And listening to John Williams on their foolish I-Pods when all Sith know that listening to Pink Floyd is better. Especially Dark Side of the Cookie!

Farewell, my dearest cookie. Now I will only be able to think of you when I pass the bakery and settle for an oatmeal raison cookie.

*Sob* OW! Oops, I can't cry or I'll electrocute myself. Goodbye!!

-Fin-


End file.
